Bad military strategy rampant in Star Wars movie series

George Lucas' Star Wars series -- at least the original holy trinity -- is seen by many as extolling the virtues of Joseph Campbell's power of the heroic myth. The series has other highlights as well, I've personally written how Lucas channeled classic archetypes of organizational theory in the films, as an example.

One thing Lucas has never been up on, however, was military strategy. Examples: in The Phantom Menace, a giant invasion force lands far from Naboo's capital, giving opponents time to organize guerilla warfare. The Empire never launches more than a squadron of TIE Fighters against the Rebels attacking the Death Star (right), despite some sources saying the battlestation had more than 7,000 on board. And don't get me started on the poor aim of Stormtroopers!

I've always thought the worst example of Imperial poor battle planning was when Vader kills an Imperial admiral in The Empire Strikes Back because he dropped the fleet out of hyperspace close to Hoth, hoping to surprise the Rebels. Any good tactical commander would've gone for the surprise.

But no, 34 years later I have finally discovered the worst example of strategic military planning in the movies. This scene, from late in the original movie, stood out to me when I saw it on cable last week.

From the shooting script (and preserved in the movie, despite all Lucas' modifications):

INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT.

Han, removes his gloves and smiling, is at the controls of the
ship. Chewie moves into the aft section to check the damage.
Leia is seated near Han.

HAN: Not a bad bit of rescuing, huh? You know, sometimes I even amaze myself.

LEIA: That doesn't sound too hard. Besides, they let us go. It's the
only explanation for the ease of our escape.

HAN: Easy...you call that easy?

LEIA: They're tracking us!

HAN: Not this ship, sister.

Frustrated, Leia shakes her head.

OK, so if Leia knew the Empire was tracking the Millennium Falcon, and the location of the Rebel Base was such a secret that Leia was unwilling to reveal it to the point where it got her home planet destroyed ... then why the fuck did she have the Falcon go straight to the Rebel base?????

C'mon George, you're killing me!

'You're terrible, Muriel'

I watched "Muriel's Wedding" earlier this morning for the umpteenth time (but for the first time all the way through since my visit to Australia) and just noticed some peculiar anachronisms.

(Spoiler space for a 17-year-old film:)









The most glaring anachronism is at the beginning of the film, when Muriel receives a blank check (or cheque, since we're talking about Australia) from her mom with a date in January 1994. When she pays back her father, however, near the end, the cheque (below) is dated from November 1992!

The second "when the heck did this happen?" moment involves a key plot point -- when Muriel marries a South African swimmer who can't compete for his home country because of international sanctions. The swimmer needs to marry an Australian so he can gain citizenship and can compete internationally. Yet Apartheid was effectively over, however, when the film was released (in September 1994). In fact, South Africa had already had free and fair elections, resulting in Nelson Mandela's presidency. To top it off, the movie mentions a South African "civil war" that never happened.

Fact of the matter, South Africa had already been reinstated in international sporting, as seen in "Invictus," and had competed at the 1992 Olympics. You might say that "maybe the film is supposed to be set earlier," with the cheque dates as inconsequential, but the movie does mention the 1992 Olympic gold medal won by Aussie Kieren Perkins.

Despite its time-travel foibles, I still enjoy Muriel's Wedding It's a fun, musical and ultimately uplifting flick -- albeit one apparently set in a parallel universe.

"Goodbye Porpoise Spit!"

Literary decisions in haiku

In his book, The Heart Aroused: Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America (1994, Doubleday), author David Whyte recalls the epic hero Beowulf's battle with Grendel’s mother. Beowulf is forced to descend into the murky depths of a lake to face his fears — despite an urge to stay safe in the light. Whyte points out that the search for one’s own soul and the corresponding need to make a momentous, life-changing decision is a common theme in literature. Below, I enter the heads of other great literary (and one cinematic) characters as they make a decision — in haiku.

(Super-minor spoilers for classic literature):

Gilgamesh:
Enkidu, my friend
I wish I were more like you
Able to know me

Odysseus:
It’s a long way home
I’ll see my loving wife soon
But first, I explore

Beowulf:
The abyss beckons
His mother wants to kill me
But I find a sword

Dante:
Nine circles explored
I abandoned hope, entered
The soul’s journey ends

Elizabeth Bennet:
Marry for money?
Never! I’ll marry for love
Darcy? Not so bad …

Jo March:
Aunt March wants me home
I’d rather visit with Laurie
Beth, how I miss you

Anne Shirley:
Oh, that currant wine!
The red soil of my home
Won’t keep me rooted

Jay Gatsby:
Having a goal helps
I choose to be in West Egg
To be near Daisy

Tom Joad:
We came here for hope
California was no home
For Okie workers

Rick Blaine:
My café is free
What is important? Elsa
I will help Lazlo

Holden Caufield:
Too much phoniness
This school is not where you learn
Big Apple beckons

Atticus Finch:
Race should play no role
Justice needs an example
For my two children

Doctor Manhattan:
I am above them
Ozymandias is right
Deception saves man

Library advocating copyright violation to earn money?

Asian-language DVDs of "The Prestige" and "Terminator 3" on sale Sept. 28 at the South San Francisco main library. The post-it note states that a region-free DVD player is required.

I love libraries and think that "Friends of the Library" sales, where the library sells surplus or donated books, movies, etc. are a great idea. But I was taken aback when I saw the DVDs above as part of the sale at South San Francisco's main library on Monday afternoon.

Now I'm not sure that they're illicit copies (which I why I didn't bring them to the attention of library staffers), but the cheap, printed box covered with an Asian language and "Chingrish" writing on the back just screams "Bootleg!" I'd bet if I looked at the discs themselves, they'd be purple DVD-ROMs.

Heck, I admit to borrowing some CDs from the library and ripping songs onto my computer. But in this case, if the DVDs are fake, the library itself is possibly facilitating copyright violation -- the complete opposite of a library's ideals.

Comic-Con days one and two

Spider-Man makes an appearance at the Marvel booth.

SAN DIEGO – I’m here at the 40th annual Comic-Con International, my 14th since 1992. I flew down Thursday morning on Southwest and think I was hit upon by both male and female flight attendants. Guess I still have it.

The lines here are, as expected, long. I had a 45-minute line simply to pick up my badge. I think Comic-Con should charge a couple extra bucks and male out the badges like they used to. Speaking of charging a couple extra bucks, pre-registration for 2010 is now $100! That’s up from $65 last hear and $50 two years ago. The CCI administration now recognizes it has a cash cow, but seems to have forgotten there is a recession.

Anyway, the first panel I attended was a retrospective by Richard Hatch, who starred as Apollo in the original Battlestar Galactica series and Tom Zarek in the “re-imagined” version. I then got in the long line for the Burn Notice panel, worrying slightly that I was further tarnishing the Con’s reputation by supporting a non-genre show (of which too many are at Con – C’mon, “Glee?”)

But Burn Notice actor Bruce Campbell – a fan favorite thanks to his roles in the Evil Dead and Spider-Man movies – allayed some of my fears by pointing out, “If you’ve ever been to Miami, you’ll know there’s a lot of aliens there.”

I should point out that while I was in the long line, I was in front of two of the few stereotypes I’ve seen here. A couple bearded, overweight gentlemen were discussing the comics field, then drifted into the movie field with comments like, “May 8, 2009 – the day ‘Star Trek’ died. The guy from Lost killed it.” And even, “I’m not even going to correct people when they say ‘Star Track’ anymore.”

They did make one good point, which I independently came up with a couple years ago, that Comic-Con should come up with a system similar to Disneyland’s Fast Pass system, wherein one picks up an “appointment” for a certain attraction (or ballroom, in this case) for a certain time and can come back at that time for priority admission. Some sort of panel ticketing system is a must.

My Twitter account has been updated frequently on this trip, but not as often as it might. At times, AT&T’s 3G service has been so overloaded that I couldn’t even text. The “free Wi-Fi” Comic-Con offers is so bogged down in the Convention Center that it’s useless.

In other news, Comic-Con continues to be clueless over what’s popular. The panel on Thursday night for “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog” was in the smallest open ballroom, was full and had the equivalent of another full ballroom waiting in line. I ended up watching “Iron Man” for about the fourth time in a nearby room. For popular panels, they need to do what they do at events like MacWorld, where panels are often simulcast in a satellite ballroom.

I like these actors, but will likely not watch their show. I have too much TV on my plate already.

On Friday, I arrived early for the combined Battlestar Galactica: The Plan/Caprica panel. The line went faster than I expected and I caught the earlier panel in the room for Stargate: Universe, staring Robert Carlysle of “Full Monty” fame and Ming-Na Wen (whom I’ve had a crush on since she was on “The Single Guy” in 1995). African-American Stargate star Jamil Walker Smith got a laugh when he related that his mother said he would be “the next Levar Burton” after hearing he got the part.

In the BSG panel, moderator Faith Salie got a laugh when she noted that the Battlestar crew was passing the torch to prequel-show Caprica “in true sci-fi style” --by passing it backward in time a half century. Salie also noted ironically that Edward James Olmos played Esai Morales’ father in “American Family,” and now Morales would be playing Olmos’ father in “Caprica.”
The passing of the franchise torch.

Show runner Ronald Moore made a point of calling it “a fraking crime” that no BSG actors received Emmy nominations in the course of the show’s run, and I agree. Mary McConnell, I think, should have received several noms.

Him: "Exterminate." Me: "Hey, I saw Captain Jack just around the corner, go after him instead!"

After BSG, I picked up some lunch (and a packed meal for dinner) at a nearby supermarket, then came back to roam the floor. Besides almost literally rubbing shoulders with Gene Simmons of Kiss, I also got close to Torchwood star John Barrowman and Hobbit Elijah Wood.

A TV Guide panel on science-fiction television followed in the early evening (the remake of “V” looks interesting) and I caught a screening of last winter’s “Push,” which I found quite interesting, although seeing it sleepy made it seem more complicated than I think it should have been.

I closed out Friday by attending last half of the Eisner Awards, the comics industry’s equivalent of the Oscars. Highlights included “All Star Superman” winning Best Ongoing Series. I checked out the first volume from the library last month and enjoyed it, thinking it had Golden Age flair combined with modern sensibilities. Nate Powell’s "Swallow Me Whole" won best new graphic album.

After a few hours at Comic-Con today, I’ve renting a car and driving to the Los Angeles area, where I will attend my 20th high school reunion tonight (arrgh, I’m old!). The will then put on my suit and Converse sneakers and run back to San Diego for Sunday mornings Doctor Who panel. I should already be in line, in fact.
Folks camping out overnight for the Lost panel, which I could not get into. I lightened the picture with Photoshop, that's why it looks like crap.

I am in line now (10:45 a.m. on Saturday) for a "Futurama" panel due to start at 12:45 p.m. I'll make it, but will have to sit through an hour's worth of (ugh) Seth McFarland first.

Other random pictures:
A mere one-fifth of the Convention Center floor.
Even Rorshach gets tired at Comic-Con.

Target misses the ... well

Max Fleischer's Superman cartoons from the early 1940s are classics in the superhero animation field, in fact probably being the best big screen adaptation of the comics field until 1978's Superman: The Movie.

The realistic rotoscoped animation and stylized framing came soon after Fleischer's 1939 adaptation of Gulliver's Travels, also an early animated classic are a visual treat. Superman battles such adversaries as Japanese saboteurs, mummies and various underworld baddies in a series of tense pulp-like adventures geared toward the adult viewer -- complete with damsels in distress, high tension and fairly intense action scenes.

In fact, the back of the recent DVD release of the 17 cartoons includes a prominent disclaimer stating that: "Superman: The Max Fleischer Cartoon Collection is intended for the adult collector and is not suitable for children."

So where does the Target in Colma, Calif., keep the DVDs?
Right next to the Sesame Street and Richard Scary videos.

"Fictional History" (In other words, "History") -- Part One: Madchester

Over the weekend, I entertained myself with a couple of a fictionalized histories. Now all history contains a little fiction, but these two works are at least up front about it (as one with a history degree, I can say that). The first work I read was Chester Brown's collected comic strip biography of Louis Riel, which I will review in a day or two. The second work was Micheal Winterbottom's 2002 film "24 Hour Party People."

"Twenty-four Hour Party People" covers the rise of the "Madchester" scene from the mid 1970s through the late 1990s and stars Steve Coogan as Factory Records founder Tony Wilson. If you've seen the later Winterbottom/Coogan collaboration, "A Cock and Bull Story," you'll see a lot of similarities in the story structure, irreverent comedy and fourth-wall breaking.

I was a big fan of Manchester bands New Order and The Smiths in my youth, and had heard and enjoyed music from other artists, such as Happy Mondays (whose story, along with that of Joy Division/New Order helps propel the film's plot). I really had my enjoyment of the film enhanced by my pre-existing fandom, but the story has enough exposition for non-fans to follow.

There's a couple interesting historical tidbits dramatized in the film. The first comes minutes into the movie when Wilson breaks the fourth wall during a 1976 concert at Manchester's Free Trade Hall and points out there are just 42 people attending. But the concert was later called by Channel 4 one of the three most important gigs of all time. For among those 42 were: Wilson himself, members of the Buzzcocks, Bernard Sumner and Peter Hook (members of a local band, later of Joy Division then of New Order), Mark Smith (of The Fall), Morrissey (although Morrissey was not mentioned in the film) and Jon the postman (he was a postman). On stage? The Sex Pistols.

The creativity of the Pistols inspired Wilson (a local TV personality) to start a nightclub ("The Factory") to showcase exciting local music and then to create his own record label to support those artists (many of whom were inspired at the Free Trade Hall concert). There is a really touching examination of the rapid rise and even more rapid fall of Joy Division and its rebirth as New Order. Much of the same territory was covered in the recent film "Control" about Joy Division singer Ian Curtis (it was checked out of the library when I went to borrow it recently).

The second interesting tidbit is about the birth of the Rave scene. At one point, Wilson is in his second club ("The Hacienda") after talking about the unintended rise of the Ecstasy culture and points out the crowd reaction. They're not applauding the artist. "They're cheering the DJ," he says to the viewer. "They're cheering the medium." McLuhan would be proud.

Winterbottom and Coogan created an fun picture that gave a good (albeit exaggerated) background to the music of my youth. It also reminded me (as does the Riel bio) that history is written not just by the victors, but by those who choose to write it -- and future generations will always remember it with that taint.

Appreciate the gaffer, hail the senior digital compositor

Claire and I caught "Slumdog Millionaire" in Redwood City last night (great flick, it deserved the Golden Globes it won tonight). What was nice is that thanks to a Bollywood dance sequence added on at the end, people were staying through the end and watching the credits.

I've always been one to watch the credits -- these folks worked hard to provide me with entertainment for two hours, I owe them the courtesy of reading their names. I often drive Claire crazy with comments like, "Thanks, Jana Vance, for being such a good foley artist on 'Wall-E!'" or, "Don't you think Stephen Maier's first assistant camera work was good?" after "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer."

Some movie studios seem to be getting the same idea, adding things that encourage the audience to stay through the credits. I think the trend picked up in the United States when Jackie Chan movies began getting popular -- he runs the blooper reel over the closing credits. The "after credits" scene is also getting popular, check out Samuel L. Jackson's cameo as Nick Fury after the credits of "Iron Man," for example. It's not a new technique: according to Wikipedia, "The 1903 film The Great Train Robbery ends with leader of the outlaw band taking aim and firing point blank at the audience (after having been killed in the previous scene)."

And bully for them. It's important to know that Kevin Tomasiello labored very hard for you -- as a laborer -- on "There Will Be Blood." (Or that John C. Baker was a production assistant on "The Point of Boxes.")

After the movie, Claire and I headed down the street to Siciliano Ristoriante Italiano for dinner -- the first time we'd been there in about six years. The owner, Giuseppe "Pino" Spatola, catered our wedding in 2000, but we figured after so long, he'd have forgotten us.

No sooner do we come in, however, than Pino comes over and warmly greets us by saying, "John, how are you? Still dispatching?" Great service (and memory).

My Bacon Number is four (edit: THREE)

I used to live across the street from the Christy family, with whose sons Geoff and Kevin I used to sometimes hang out. I mostly befriended Geoff, to whom I am closer in age, and rarely saw Kevin after the late 1980s when his parents split up and Kevin moved in with his father.

Anyway, Kevin is a working actor, gaining some reknown (he's currently in a cell phone commercial with Ozzy Osbourne -- Kevin is the coffee barrista who can't understand what Ozzy says). Speaking with Geoff recently (and learning that Kevin has a role in an upcoming episode of a once-hot NBC series) got me thinking of that "other" acting Kevin: Bacon.

Which got me thinking of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon." So I finally put together my Bacon number today.

I was in "The Point of Boxes" with Bruno Kanter, who was in "Hell House: The Book of Samiel" with Kari Wishingrad (no, I've never heard of these actors or movies either), who was in "The Californians" with Noah Wyle, who was in "A Few Good Men" with Kevin Bacon. Thus, my degree of separation is a mere four.

As for Kevin Christy, best I can determine, he only beats me by one. He was in an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" with the gorgeous Alyson Hannigan, who very early in her career guested on an episode of "Rosanne" with John Goodman, who was in "Death Sentence" with Kevin Bacon. I bet if I spent some time, I could cut that number down by one, but I gotta work ...

Update (Feb. 18, 2009 at 8:14 a.m.): Thanks to a website called "The Oracle of Bacon," I was able to knock one off both my and Kevin C.'s Bacon number. For example, I was in "The Point of Boxes" with Wayne Webb, who was in "Latter Days" with Jim Ortlieb, who was in "Flatliners" (which I saw twice in the theaters for some reason) with Kevin Bacon.

Kevin Christy was in "For Your Consideration" (I'm a fan of Christopher Guest mockumentaries, but somehow missed that one) with Steven M. Porter, who was in "Rails & Ties" with Kevin Bacon.

Just for a laugh, I also checked my degrees of separation from Kevin Christy. Not counting any old home movies laying about, my "Christy number" is also three. I was in "Boxes" with Webb, who was in "Candy Paint" with Kenan Thompson (of later SNL fame), who was in "Love Don't Cost a Thing" with Kevin. Small world.

Scarily, I'm only four away from Adolf Hitler. Hitler was in "This Happy Breed" with the great Laurence Olivier, who was in "Inchon" with Jacqueline Bisset, who was in "Latter Days" with Webb, who was in "The Point of Boxes" with me.